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May. 7th, 2021 10:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
avreliaWell, once again, I keep meaning to write stuff and never quite do. The inability to write anything meaningful, whether it is post here and there, fanfic, or original stories I am struggling with is something that’s been plaguing me this year – I mean 2021.
We are fine. Kids started going to school in the end of March, which I hoped would make my life easier. It did, but only a little bit. Because it is still less than three hours, and not every day, and I am a mess, anyway, so two hours I don’t have to make sure kids are studying don’t give me much.
I can’t focus on anything. It is a horrible feeling, that time is running away from me, and I have to do something, and I can’t decide what should I do exactly. I mean, I still cook, etc, but I have no idea how people even manage more than everyday chores anymore.
Even reading is slow and brings me less joy. Too many books I want to read and can’t get to weight on me.
On the good side of things: Covid vaccine became slowly available in California for general population over April, and while in the beginning it was only nominally available (you were eligible, but it was impossible to schedule an appointment in a convenient time and place), but I did get my first shot ten days ago. Now looking forward to the second one, together with all the side effects.
On the other good things: we got pets! Back in November we got a parakeet, and my youngest named him Grisha. Because it is normal Russian name for a boy, you know? Even though I am not sure where my son got it from – he doesn’t know anyone with that name.
And then in January we got a bunny for my oldest, and he named her Sonia. Now my FB feed is mostly about her, because she is that adorable.
I guess I’ll need a separate post for pets. Also for books and tv. And fandom-y stuff. And other stuff
We are fine. Kids started going to school in the end of March, which I hoped would make my life easier. It did, but only a little bit. Because it is still less than three hours, and not every day, and I am a mess, anyway, so two hours I don’t have to make sure kids are studying don’t give me much.
I can’t focus on anything. It is a horrible feeling, that time is running away from me, and I have to do something, and I can’t decide what should I do exactly. I mean, I still cook, etc, but I have no idea how people even manage more than everyday chores anymore.
Even reading is slow and brings me less joy. Too many books I want to read and can’t get to weight on me.
On the good side of things: Covid vaccine became slowly available in California for general population over April, and while in the beginning it was only nominally available (you were eligible, but it was impossible to schedule an appointment in a convenient time and place), but I did get my first shot ten days ago. Now looking forward to the second one, together with all the side effects.
On the other good things: we got pets! Back in November we got a parakeet, and my youngest named him Grisha. Because it is normal Russian name for a boy, you know? Even though I am not sure where my son got it from – he doesn’t know anyone with that name.
And then in January we got a bunny for my oldest, and he named her Sonia. Now my FB feed is mostly about her, because she is that adorable.
I guess I’ll need a separate post for pets. Also for books and tv. And fandom-y stuff. And other stuff
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Date: 2021-05-12 02:40 am (UTC)I relate to that so, so hard.
Actually I'm participating a lot in fandom right now via the Discord server where I'm in Umbrella Academy fandom. Discord feels easier somehow because the conversations are all ephemeral, more like just chatting with people in real life. I don't have to collect my thoughts and put together paragraphs that will resonate through the ages; I can just say something like "Klaus sure is cute when he looks at Dave before they kiss" and there we go, I have participated.
I can’t focus on anything. It is a horrible feeling, that time is running away from me, and I have to do something, and I can’t decide what should I do exactly.
*hugs*
This past year, managing everyday chores and parenting is accomplishment enough, I think. And you did write some lovely fics!
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 06:08 pm (UTC)Discord is great, actually. But I felt like hiding from a couple I am in, right now. I have so many outlets on hte Internet, and no will to be active on any of them, but I don't want to get rid of them, either. So I just waste time by lurking, getting upset and more lurking...
Anyway. small steps. small steps.
/hugs