avrelia

meme format stolen from

selenak

1. Your main fandom of the year?

I guess I am still hanging out in the Avatar the Last Airbender fandom the most.

2. Your favorite film watched this year?
Master and Margarita. The newest adaptation, by director Michael Lokshin, with August Diehl as Woland is the best M and M adaptation. Master and Margarita is considered to be generally un-adaptable, and rightly so – it is too sprawling, too fantastical, to precise in some parts and too vague in others, there are three main stories that connect in strange ways… and probably unfinished, too. All the things that work so well as text, look bland, or stupid, or tawdry when put on screen, judging by previous attempts. Why this works – Lokshin knows what story he is telling, and he is not trying to put everything from the novel on screen. He picks the thread of a creator in the oppressive state and his relationship with the powers – existing in the novel and mirroring Bulgakov’s own life, and tells it with the use of the text of the novel and visual and technological possibilities of the modern age, and it works wonders.

3. Your favorite book read this year?

Not sure. I finally got to read Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut and The grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck and was mightly impressed, and I also loved the hell of some trashy Russian novels.

4. Your favorite album or song to listen to this year?

In the beginning of the year I was honestly obsessed with The Poison Prince
And then I found Mongolian Hard Rock, and that was the rest of the year.
5. Your favorite TV show of the year?
I have accepted I have trashy tastes. I loved the Rings of Power; I loved The Brothers Sun; finally finished Blue-eyed Samurai, and Leverage. Now I am enjoying The Skeleton Crew and An Amazing attorney Woo.
6. Your favorite online community of the year?

I keep enjoying the craziness of Tumblr

7. Your best new fandom discovery of the year?
I spent a lot of time trying to think of something and I cannot

8. Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?

The cancellations of the Brothers Sun and Shadow and Bone. And I am still disappointed in the cancellation of Lockwood & Co. I might be forgetting something.
9. Your fandom boyfriend of the year?
Charles Sun, the older brother. I guess.

10. Your fandom girlfriend of the year?
The female population of Patience, Colorado from the Resident Alien. I can’t choose one, they come as a group.

11. Your biggest squee moment of the year?

? no idea.

12. The most missed of your old fandoms?

Buffy. I’ve been re-watching it with my kids in the past couple of years, and it is a new delight – to share the things I love with my kids. I can’t imagine being terribly involved with the Buffy fandom now, but I can’t imagine ever being away from it, and I miss terribly our conversations of the old
13. The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?
I don’t want to try any fandoms, I just think of them as a force of nature – if I ever feel the pull, I with be in one.

14. Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?

I am looking forward to the new stuff in the Avatar the Last Airbender world, and The Wheel of Time season 3

The end results of the year

it was a very busy year, that has seen me accomplishing quite a lot, mostly unexpected. Things I wanted mostly fell by the wayside, but I did to some stuff.

So, in a random order.

1) I ran a bookclub that I started in October 2023. a year ago I celebrated its start, but now, after a year I celebrate myself for staying the course and not yielding to gale winds of more strong-willed members who know the best way to run a book club. I am not looking for the best way, I want my book club run my way. It is a small thing, but it was important to me.

2) I become a member of a school site council basically by inviting myself in. Again, a tiny thing, but important to me. It allowed me to see some inner workings of our school (elementary) and a district, and it also led to

3) me making and running a math club at school for 2-5 grades. Older kids participate in MOEMS math olympics, younger ones learn to solve fun math problems. I didn’t want to run it, but I wanted kids to have it, and there was nobody else ready to do it (except for one other mom, who is my partner in running it)

4) I did a reading kids club over the summer, hoping it will grow into something more than me reaign books to a handful of kids. It didn’t, since after the summer my life veered off course I planned.

5) My mother in law arrived from Kyiv, and we spent months arranging her life here. We kind of settled her, comfortably enough, I hope, even if not ideally. But well, a lot of weekends we spends driving around the Bay area looking at various living arrangements.

6) I hardly ever wrote anything, having hardly any mood and focus. I don’t want to say I didn’t have time, but when I had, I couldn’t write.

7) I read a lot. For book club and for myself.

8) I kept amusing myself with making jewelry. I love to put stuff together, but now it seems time to learn how to do it properly (so it would not break apart or scratch, or look weird).

9) I bought a lot of paper books, having accepted that this is my hoard, and I don’t care whether I or my family will every read them. I do try. It is rather funny to buy books in Russian now, when it is so much more difficult. Maybe I do want a library of my own.

10) I got summons for the jury duty, and then I got chosen and spent seven weeks going to court and being a juror. It was quite an experience, that ended up meaning a lot to me.

11) I discovered that I love California

12) I felt more comfortable with myself and my place in the world this year. And, the year that is almost over reminded us that the world is a shitty place right now, but I am kind of used to it. I am living in a post-apocalyptic world right now. Bad things happened and have been happening. And might happen in the future. But I started a math club, and kids are excited to solve complicated math problems with me. I helped to bring some actual justice in the world. I made some lives a bit better with my bookclub. I made new friends. I met wonderful people. I know a path forward. There is a wound in me that’ll never heal, but it’s ok. it’s how people live. I miss terribly my family and Russia, and I am terrified of going there, and I feel guilty for being terrified to go and see my family. It is a problem I cannot solve. But I can do other things and I am doing them. It’s not that bad.

I’ve been trying to write 2022 round-up for a while. But words escape me and well, here I am.

New year eve has always been a bit magical to me. In part due to cultural habit that conflates magic of Christmas with New year, in part due to the feel of new beginnings and new hopes. And enjoyed celebrating New year even if the outgoing year was sad, tough or troubled. Even when I was feeling down the whole of December, by the evening of 31st my mood would clear up, I dress up and meet the midnight with hopes for a better future.

Not this year. I wasn’t in particularly bad mood, and I prepared the celebratory feast and called or wrote to as many people as I could, but I couldn’t bring myself even take a shower, let alone dress into something different from my home clothes I spent the day in. And I hardly expected anything better for year 2023.

The thing is, 2022 kind of has broken me.

The whole thing that started on February 24th (February 23rd for me) when I read scrolling through various girly communities on FB that Russia attacked Ukraine, and then when I, in deep horror and confusion messaged my mother in law in Kyiv, she confirmed that yes, they were under a missile attack.

I feel somewhat better than I did immediately after that, but only because I got used to feeling crappy – humans do get used to all kinds of horrible stuff. But that feeling has never gone away, and sometimes I think it never will. All my memories and thoughts are covered in a thin layer of ash, everything is bitter. An actual war between Russia and Ukraine here and now had always felt an impossibility an absurd and stupid thought bubble, and yet here we are. And beyond physical destruction, Russian government is bringing forth a destruction of the future for Russia. And it hits just as hard. I follow the news. I listen to smart people discussing things and possibilities and explaining why and how. It doesn’t bring neither solace nor hope. I used to feel rather smart, but now I feel fooled, and easily fooled, and rather annoyed that the people whom I considered paranoid idiots were right.

I live, and I am kind of fine, just an underlying worry got much worse and all-encompassing. I think I always thought I could go back to Russia and still find myself there, with my friends, family, legal career. I don’t think so anymore. I didn’t lose many friends, but only because I was willing not to push for their opinion. (I stopped talking for good only to people to said to be that Ukrainians bomb themselves) And I am kind of glad, for the first time, that my legal dreams didn’t come true. I could have been a judge in Russia right now, imagine that… I have no idea, how I would have lived if I were in Russia now.

I live, and I do small things, I donate a bit here and there, I try to talk to people (less and less by now) to pass the information that is easier for me to get. I am almost ok.

And then another day, another attack, another heartbreak, and shame and rage, and I am not ok at all.

So, that’s my 2022.

(please, ask me to write stuff!)

Time to use my New year icon, and wow. How come it's December already?

Everything is the same. I don't do anything, and I don't even have an excuse of kids at home. Time just flies away. It still leaves me tired and exhausted, but without any meaningful result.

I think a year ago I had more hopes for the world.

Anyway, I am fine, my family is fine, and I have no idea what to do next.

Well, except for day to day stuff.

Decided to do the Holiday love meme:

✨ holiday love meme 2021 ✨
my thread here

I am so damn slow both in my reading and in my writing. I have no idea, whether it’s new, or old and noticeable… I mean, I have time, but focusing on a book or on writing takes so much energy, that even such a simple thing as a post here requires a lot of planning…

Anyway. The year is gone. It started badly, with a death of a close friend of my mother – whom I also knew and loved. And it continued, well, we all know how it continued. There was a lot of canceled plans and broken hopes, and worries, and I am deadly tired. My mom had Covid, lots of people I know in Russia had covid (strangely, none of the people I actually know in USA or Canada had covid, which probably says something interesting, but not sure what.)

We bought a house. And moved, again. My kids had to adjust to another school, full online learning and having no friends. But in February we spent a great week on Hawaii with them! And memory of that visit warms me even now. Generally, my family is fine, both here and back in Russia nad Ukraine, and I am very grateful for that.

I actually wrote a lot, fanfiction-wise. I even participated in my first holiday fic exchange (I am a chicken to try Yuletide, so it was a tiny, Avatar tLA-related, exchange.) I got a nice fic, but the fic I wrote was apparently so horrible, that the person I wrote it for, didn’t react to it in any way. Oh, well. It is upsetting, but I have to cut my losses and move on. I can’t be loved by everyone.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28093746 Here is it, if anyone is curious.
I actually have ideas to write in other fandoms, but never seem to have time.

My movie of the year: The Old Guard. Charlise Theron’s performance is a lot how I felt this year.
My tv series of the year. I am not sure. It started with the Witcher, which I loved a lot, then during summer I enjoyed the final season of Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD, and now I am watching season 5 of the Expanse. Everything else kind of left little memory. Oh! I also evnjoyed weird and silly Colombian series Always a Witch/Siempre Bruja.
Not very highbrow.

The book of the year… I don’t know. My reading was a mess. The most memorable book, I think was Olga Tokarcsuk Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead that I wrote before about.

And here is my favorite place to buy face masks! Very 2020.
https://lolomercadito.com/ I bought several as gifts and two for myself. The beauty of embroidery is stunning.

I kind of feel weird about counting the results of the decade. For me the main result was that the decade passed and I am like “Huh? What? Another one? When did it happen? Was it shorter than before? Like five years for the price of ten?”

But then I read this list:
https://www.themarysue.com/15-female-characters-of-decade/
and decided to make my own.

Of course I immediately realized that I hardly remember what I was doing and watching at the beginning of the 10s, so the list leans heavily towards the later years.

Here it is, in no particular order, 15 female characters from tv series of 2010s that meant something to me.

15. Vanessa Ives (Penny Dreadful)

Eva Green as Vanessa Ives is mesmerizing. A perfect actress for the role, a perfect role for the actress, a cool/deconstruction of Victorian tropes until it wasn’t. (not a big fan of season 3) Also worth mentioning is Lily as played by Billie Piper for the cheap thrills and awesomeness. I do have a feeling that the creators didn’t quite know what to do with their females. It should apply to Victorian characters, but unfortunately it applies to the Penny Dreadful creators as well – none of the female characters have a satisfying arc. (Or maybe it’s feature, not a bug? But I love to be satisfied by a characters arc, even if it ends in tragedy)

14.Regina Mills (Once Upon a Time)
13. Snow White (Once Upon a Time)
12. Emma Swan (Once Upon a Time)
I couldn't possibly choose one from that ridiculous lovely show. Because it’s biggest strength was in relationship between these three awesome characters. They had a lot of wonderful side characters and inversions, but nothing for me could beat these three. I got interested when Emma appeared. I got intrigued when Regina started gleefully chewing the scenery, and I fell in love when Snow White jumped down from the tree. The show’s eternal biting its own tail bored me by the end of season 4, but I still remember my love for it.

11. Abbie Mills (Sleepy Hollow)

this is a prime example of the show that had no idea what the audience wanted from it. The first season was ridiculous and awesome, and suddenly acquired a cult status and appreciation of fans and the showrunners were sure it’s because we loved a story of a hapless time traveler. no. it’s because we love the story of Abby Mills and her sister Jenny, tow black girls in upstate New York, fighting the forces of evil. Yes, we loved the hapless time traveler Ichabode Crane played by Tom Mison, but only as far as his confusion and prejudices were played off no nonsense Abby Mills. Alas… oh what a show it could have been!

10. Olivia Dunham (Fringe)

I loved Fringe. But again, I wanted show about Olivia Dunham (both of them), her sister, niece, friends, and instead I got a show about Walter Bishop playing god. Good, but not good enough for me.

9. Lin Beifong (Avatar the legend of Korra)

I wanted Avatar the Legend of Korra last year. And while I loved Korra and the rest of young characters, it’s 50 year old, crunky, stubborn, loyal, awesome chief of police Lin Beifong who stole my heart there. The show had a lot of cool characters, many of them ended up under-served by the story, but Lin actually got a great and meaningful character arc that got her reconnected to her family and friends.

8. Nadia Vulvokov (Russian Doll)

I am still unsure what exactly to say here. But it started strange and alien and ended dear and profound. Natasha Lyons’ Nadia was Theseus, Ariadne and Minotaur at once.

7. Eleanor Shellstrop (Good Place)

Yeah, well. She is hope for all humanity.

6. Jessica Jones (Jessica Jones)

Weirdly, I am not a big fan of her titular show, but I love Jessica Jones played by Kristen Ritter. Imperfect superheroine! Awesome mess!

5. Kenzi (Lost Girl)

Representation matters. And I think I firmly realized it with this Russian emigrant friend and sidekick to Bo the Succubus in that half-forgotten weird Canadian show. Even though she had a weird name and criminal relative, she was played by a Russian speaking actress, and the fact that she was Russian was perfectly normal… Just imagine, a Russian who is not a spy! What a thought!

4. Kimmy Schmidt (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt)

Her unrelenting optimism is the perfect armor for the times. I loved that she wears it knowing that it was her armor. And occasionally, a weapon.

3. Joyce Byers (Stranger Things)

We need more of weird weak heroic women who have children.

2. May (Agents of SHIELD)

I want to be a 50 year old badass when I grow up.

1. Peggy Carter (Agent Carter)

I am grateful to Marvel and Hayley Atwell for giving us this character, and I hope we’ll see more of her. I liked her in the movies, and I love her in the Agent Carter series. It was a pure joy for me to see her.

let it be happy for all of you

photo from here

Happy Year to all my friends and passers-by! :)

I was bad about posting this year, and I don't see it improving the next one, but I miss good old times on LJ, when most people on friends-list were posing something every week... I know I should start with myself, especially I have lots of news and thoughts and things to write about.

happy New Year! let it be a good one.

The last year.

Well, as we are now well into January, I might as well to think about last year. It didn't feel busy, but it fact many things happened, most of them not something I did, but something that happened with my help or without.

- we got green cards. I still feel very weird about our relocation to USA from Canada, but of course live with green card is much more convenient. Now I can look for work, except I have no idea what kind of work I want now – and how to get I don't know what.

- we lived through the disaster of the year – hurricane Sandy. I think I didn't write much in English about us, but it was more of a major inconvenience for us, comparing to other people, even in our town that didn't get a lot of damage (fallen trees and lack of power). We were without power for four full days, which is unpleasant in November New Jersey, but we had a full tank of gas that served us through the week, and an opportunity to drive and have hot breakfast in cafes, and lots of friends who invited us to stay. Now, hearing all the stories about people for whom the disaster isn't over yet, it is hard to talk about it. But when we in, it was... scary.

- we were on vacation! It's been years since we were on an actual vacation. In fact, it seems in was the last one was in 2008, when we went to New York. So quaint, hee. Anyway, this year we went to see California, specifically San Francisco and Silicon Valley, thinking, among other things, to see whether we would like to live there, if anything happen (like a job). We liked it, but didn't fell in love with it to move there immediately. Not unless lots and lots of money are involved. But as visitors – we enjoyed it very much, especially since the weather was incredibly, summery good.

- Daniel's started the kindergarten, and he loves it. I am so happy to have a sociable kid who finds lots of friends everywhere! He does well at studies, too – math and reading especially. He is slowly starting reading in both English and Russian, though I see that he finds English easier- there are more book at his exact level of reading skills, whereas in Russian he is reading above his level, and it is hard.

- I've been learning things the whole year, too: I took the full advantage of coursera.org online courses and had a lot of fun listening to lectures, reading and writing essays and taking quizzes. I only not sure how to apply that to my life though – none of the courses I successfully finished were of the applied usefulness variety. I mean, who would pay me for my advanced knowledge of Greek Mythology? I did started to write again. Not sure what exactly it was that made it impossible to finish any kind of story in the previous two years. It shouldn't be that hard.

- I startedmaking friends in my little town, and I started to grow attached to it – just in time to moving out, as we most likely won't be able to buy here (too expensive).

- My mom and my sister with her son visited in 2012. Unfortunately, I couldn't visit them (waiting for the green card, it turns out, locks you up – you can leave, but you'll have problems returning). Have crazy hopes for this year.

- Some things were not accomplished due to heath issues. I hope for the better luck this year.

- My health reminded me that I am not a young girl anymore, even though the number that suppose to mean my age looks suspiciously alien to me. I mean, 36? 36 is the age for a respectable matron, not for a person skipping around in public and using Skype to make silly faces at her sister.

- I read a lot, but not as much as I used to. Suddenly, an hour with a good book is a luxury that is not always possible to justify, even when I waste my time on other silly things. I do read when I can, and I enjoyed going back and reading old classics. Nothing brings the self-esteem up as much as reading Oresteiaand writing essays about it.

- During the last week of the year, we introduced D. to Harry Potter (first two movies). He is sufficiently enchanted and talks about Harry Potter a lot. He asked for books, too, but I refused to read them to him – they are waiting for him to learn to read by himself. It is incredible to see that he got a very different story than the one that is in the books, that somehow still consistent with what he saw on screen and what we explained.

health and happiness for all

Well, it's been a year of very little tv, even less than before, as the еime to watch anything dwindles. And my fandom participation dwindles even more, as I don't have the same passion I used to have for BtVS for any other shows, and I can't even talk about BtVS anymore.

What I watched

Fringe. It's been a sad year for me and Fringe. Our romance was intense, but too short-lived. I was absolutely enamored by it after I dashed through the first two seasons, in spring of 2011, then season 3 was fine, but season 4 made me unhappy on several levels, mostly by making Olivia-Peter relationship the core of the universe, and sacrifice everything to get to it, mostly characterization of Olivia.

And then I started watching season 5, and stopped. I want to see the end, but not interested in actually watching the whole season.

After giving up on Fringe, P. and I started watching Heroes – we have Amazon Prime, so it is free, and why not? I watched an episode or two when it ran, and was generally familiar with the story by fandom osmosis. The reaction was predictable – the season 1 is wonderful, the season 2 is okay, and now we are in the middle of season 3 for the last month. Haven't given up on it, yet, but whatever. I don't understand the characters anymore, they seem to be puppets of showrunners who just perform whatever play is staged. Like Comedia del Arte. Only frustrating, because I want characters to have some meaningful storylines even in sitcoms.

Speaking of sitcoms – I don't seem to have time to watch all my friends are talking about, so I occasionally catch one or another episodes of “The Big Bang Theory” (which I watch for the ladies), and “Raising Hope” (which I love for the grandparents of Hope, who are one of the best TV couples).

Lost Girl – very enjoyable, but now I hardly remember what happened when and with whom. Still, I hope to watch the third season.

And last, but not least – Once Upon a Time. That was my “most fun to watch” series in 2012. I am well aware of its multiple flaws, in plot and characters, and I am not anywhere near fannish, not even enough to write meta and look for icons, but... it brought me joy, joy I didn't expect. Well, I didn't expect that having a show full of interesting, active, female characters would feel so good, that it fulfilled a need I knew I had on intellectual level, but I didn't know I needed it that much until I got it. So I forgive silliness, and plotting randomness, and shallowness as long as I can have Snow White and Red Riding hood being best friends – and not in shopping and talking about boys sense, but fighting for each other lives, or have Snow White and Emma with Aurora and Mulan on a road trip, or Snow White trying to build relationship with her adult daughter. The show generally present a wide variety of mother-daughter relationships (parent-child relationships, in general, are the emotional core of the series). I love Belle's self-awareness, Red's bravery, Granny's quiet might, Regina's fight with herself, Snow White's honesty and fierceness, Emma's cynicism. The show does some really good “princesses”.

Watched the first episode of “ The Game of Thrones”. Liked, with reservations. Waiting for the rest to arrive from the library.

Plans for the 2013:
1) finally watch Downton Abbey
2) find out how Fringe ends
3) Lost Girl, OUAT
4) if there is time, go back and watch Doctor Who.

I am still thinking about my year 2010 results. Now I am getting around to post about my TV viewing. It was... weird, I'd say. But in 2008-2009 it was non-existent, so there. The main difficulty was that P hardly wants to watch anything but Jon Stuart and occasionally Colbert, and I don't want to watch my TV with D – he gets enough of cartoons as it is.
So I watched in odd breaks. Obviously, I watched quite a lot when I was alone last year – when P was in NY, and I was still in Canada. I watched – (after having finally bought) – “Wonderfalls”, I watched “The Tenth Kingdom”, which I wrote about immediately after, I re-watched some old Russian favourites, and I watched “Dollhouse”. Which I almost forgot about until writing this post. And you know what? It is my review. It was controversial, and awkward, and uncomfortable. It had brilliant moments, it had great acting. But at the end it was utterly forgettable. What worse one can say about it?
In NY I discovered several things. 1) Not everything is available on HULU; 2) One can find almost everything to watch online these day somewhere else.

I watched... not much, still.
“The Big Bang Theory” - amusing, often funny, occasionally makes me cringe.
“Raising Hope” - hilarious, especially for the one with some amount of child-rearing experience. Kind of sweet, but asks to suspend one's disbelief really high.
“Lost Girl” - wonderful. Looking forward for the second season. I wish they were less coy about Canadian locations – I want to see less generic and more familiar sights. I also wish Kenzi spoke Russian more often. It's fun ;) I am not fannish about it though – I cannot get hot and bothered about any TV show anymore. I hope no one can take my fandom membership away because of it...

moving to 2011
I am in the process of watching Doctor Who, the last season. It's awfully confusing, having picked up all knowledge about show from osmosis and a half -dozen of assorted episodes from previous seasons. But fascinating. Very fascinating.
Shows I want to watch, but never get around to: “Fringe” and “Community”. Maybe some day.

I found a strange curse upon me – the curse of owning books. I have now small, yet reasonably cool library at home. Lovingly collected. Moved around across half of the world and several times through America. And a large part of it is yet unread. Not only it is unread, I have no idea when I get around to reading it.
There is always new books that I rush to read – free books from public libraries that I have to return in several weeks, so they always end up my priority reading. And when I finish them, another library book is waiting to be read immediately. I buy books occasionally – when I have some money to spend on them, I buy – to read at my leisure, to boost sales for the author, to own something I love. And that fabled leisure time never comes. The books remain unread. Or unfinished.
A year ago I cruelly culled my books, giving away to the local library and friends about one third of what I had. Now I shall have to do some culling again. I have no idea how to go about it. I need to read faster I guess.

There are too many delicious books to read and reread...

io9.com published their best sff list for the year 2010. I read one book from the list (The Windup Girl), and there are two that are in my giant to-read pile: NK Jemisin, The Broken Kingdoms and Cherie Priest, Dreadnought. Charles Yu, How To Live Safely In A Science Fictional Universe looks very interesting, I may check it out.
Damn. Where is the time to read all the books I want?!

it was a strange year. I have neither “yay” or “nay” to sum it up, but I am generally glad it is over – there is always hope that the new year would be better.

From the objective point of view, this year had positive changes for us – P got a new gob, in New York and we all moved after him, and really, how bad can be a year when we lived in New York? Our lives filled with interesting things and troubles. P's new job is quite good and he met a lot of his high school classmates from Kiev here in New York (mind you, when I say classmates, it's not five out of a hundred, it's eight out of thirty kids that graduated one Ukrainian school twenty years ago. It's incredible.)
On subjective level this year was very complicated. The excitement of the new life besides, we did suffered the total failure of our old Canadian life. We didn't really want to leave Canada, we had a lot of plans and dreams and hopes, but they all didn't work out – at the time. We left the comfort of familiarity and old connections in favour of something new and probably good, but very different. We also again found ourselves in a rather shaky position status-wise. We came to Canada the same way – P on work permit, I as visitor. But it was ten years ago and it felt more like an adventure that we could stop any time and go back. Now – go back where? I feel the shakiness of my position very strongly now. Before that I could see myself just buying one way ticket to Moscow. Now... with D, I seem to have to stay put, no matter what. And I cannot work.
I seem to find myself firmly in stay-at home-land. Which is not a position I ever wanted or can wholeheartedly enjoy. I love spending my time with D. I love not having to get out of house at 7 am. I love not having to do stuff I hate doing and see people I'd rather not see. But... I do miss seeing people and doing stuff – there were always aspect I loved in my job, I enjoyed the puzzle-solving part of legal work, I enjoyed a job well done and a case justly won. I enjoyed my salary most of all, to be honest. And that's what I miss most of all – my own earnings.
Now, I can't work and when, eventually I will be able to – I don't really know now what job to look for at this point. This year I continued to work on my own writing, and it went horribly. The re-writing part went too slow and not good enough. I knew what I should change, but not how. A year of work – and I don't have much to show. There is another problem that got really pronounced – I am very slow. Not, hopefully, a synonym of stupid, but slow in a mechanical sense: I am typing slowly (which is another reason why my job search sucks), and I am thinking slowly. This post, for example, I am writing for the second day. Well, not the whole day, obviously. I am afraid I even read slower than I used to. At least if you look and the books I read in the last year.
Socially, this year wasn't great for me. I left my friends and connections again, and started over in a new place, which is hard, especially when you do it again and again. I met some new people I liked, but the worst thing was that I felt too tired to seriously work on my social connections – away and close. I was bad at keeping in touch with old friends, I was bad at making new friends. I was bad at what I thought I got pretty good in the past few years. I just felt so tired, and knowing that I am going to change everything again in a year didn't help. I did try to venture in the new online communities, like goodreads, but either I didn't try hard enough, or I just got too silly in the past years, it didn't work out so far.
I wasted a lot of time and energy on things that I didn't need at the end, or on nothing at all.
After finishing the second draft of my novel, and realizing it sucks, I kind of didn't feel like writing anything – even though I had ideas. I am still working on it, and several short stories, but... whatever.
I read books and watched movies, and played World of Warcraft occasionally. I didn't do a lot of things I wanted to do.
My feeling of self-worth, confidence and identity crashed down. I also now know several people who got cancer. Young people. My generation people. Mortality got so much more real this year, and the fears for everyone dear to me.
So the balance of the year 2010? I don't know. I am just glad it's over. There are always hopes for the year 2011.

from my whole friends' list:

Copy and Paste if you have enjoyed the blessing of meeting people online that you never would have met any other way.

This is my end of the year shout out to the many friends I have never been in the same room with but who have inspired, amused, comforted, encouraged, and touched me in so many ways.

I feel much happier knowing you, my dear people. I wish that 2011 won't suck for you. I wish big and small joys throughout the year.

and what says Merry Christmas better than a mouse?

there is definitely something going on that I am not aware of. Anyways, I wish everyone jouus holiday and lots of good time!

and happy birthday to

swsa!

I have just changed my default icon - first time in years! I love my personal ship, but I started to use rowan berries more and more. Does it have to mean anything?

so, year 2008.

- For the most part of it I was unapologetically interested in babies only. I would enjoy this baby-haze more were I not also madly worried about finding daycare and going back to work.
- I lost my last remaining grandmother, though I was hoping she would around for years more. I am happy though she lived to see - on photos only - her greatgrandson. One of the best arguments for having children earlier in life - they will get to see more relatives and you have more chances to see your descendants. Of course, if it is the sort of thing you care to see.
- I visited Moscow, leaving my baby with my husband alone. Not feeling guilty at the least. I had a very good time, though I would be even more happy to have them with me. I saw my parents and sister and friends and places I needed to see.
- We moved from Toronto to Mississauga, which I am still trying to get used to, and well, comprehend.
- I went back to work and then quit. Long story.
- I started to write short stories in hope someone will like them enough.
- I followed the politics of three countries and voted the first time in years, without being very excited about it.
- I am working on my productivity and I try to kill my procrastinator's habits. Strangely, writing in LJ now works for productivity, not against it.
- stopping worrying about work let me enjoy life a bit. Nice! (still, I worry about money and family and world crisis and future and stuff).
-life isn't bad overall
- it's 10 years since I met my husband.

wishes for the year 2009:
1) baby speaking two languages and being happy and healthy
2) my sis stuff (personal)
3) writing and finishing good stories
4) happiness for everyone.
5) other

Happy New Year, friends!

Больше из подборки открыток «Новый год!» на Яндекс.Открытках

Current Location: dreams

from

sweet_ali and

soundingsea!! Thank you so much! the bell is going to hang on our tree. :)

I wish the happiest birthday to

swsa! I hope you are having a wonderful day and that it will be followed by very happy holidays and a really good new year!

and that is out tree (without a bell yet) I put everything I had on it, and now I am thinking whether to make something more or leave it like this, all Ikea-blue.( pictures )

wishlist

1) time
2) private teleporting device
3) lots and lots of will power
4) happiness for everyone who needs it
5) more common sense
6) friends - seeing or talking to them more often (yes, I mean YOU)
7) Going to Writercon
8) lots of international travel
9) new default icon
10) new layout ( I have to find something I like or at least or decide what I like)
11) all things in their places
12) Bones 3 season (I know many of you don't like, but I am yet to see any of it)
13) other cool TV and time to watch it
14) write more
15) finish stories I write
16) write in English without grammar mistakes
17) Dollhouse to have a good run
18) saner politics
19) health to my family and everyone else

If I think of something else, I'll edit it. I want more stuff, but mostly it is not for a public entry...

So, we've met the New year and I like it so far. I woke up today in the morning unbelievably bright and bouncy - a fry cry from my yesterday's "Why do all those people keep telling me to wake up?"

Yesterday was quite good and special though - we spent most of the day at our friends' friends house at the baptism of our friends' son. Party was mostly Romanian, and the food, and the baptism itself - Romanian Orthodox priest had come with all stuff including a basin, and the baptism took place at home, which was good, since already long Orthodox ceremony was prolonged by repeating parts of service in English (mostly in went in Romanian). Overall there was a lot of fuss, excitement and happy warm feelings. The baby was confused, but took it all very well, and liked the bath. :)

after all that we celebrated New Year coming to Romania (together with EU) and left for home, where I happily fell asleep. Woke up before midnight and went to friends' place to sit and celebrate the New Year chatting about unimportant stuff...

Here are some pictures I uploaded from our road trip: Niagara Falls, view from USA side:
Niagara Falls Pictures

We saw the falls from Canadian side several times by now and loved the USA side much more - whether because of the novelty or because it has a large park to walk around and many things to see.

( Happy New Year! )

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