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avreliaI envy people who write coherent thoughts just after seeing the episode. I have to think, to read, then to think some more, and then everything already said – much better than I ever could. Here is a drawback of an unorganized thought. I have the first impressions, of course, but I never trust them enough, plus reading different analyses gives me unusual perspectives, and more food for thought, and I always miss something, that I would want to include – yet it is harder and harder to write about the episode as the time passes. I suspect that I have a slower rhythm of living that the world outside me – and I am always late, which is frustrating. I think, I survive. On to the story.
The story deals with the usual stuff – who we are, what makes us who we are, what is real, what matters, do we have a choice, how can we trust. It never gives us answers though. More correctly – it gives us many different answers, no One Right Answer. No skeleton key. (Actually, there was a skeleton key – Knox used it to open the portal for Illyria, it didn’t work out)
A lot of things can be said and done, but I chose these. There is always a choice. Even when there aren’t any. Thomas Aquinas had something to tell about it, but I don’t remember where. We are informed by our memories; we are our memories, or memories of us. Did I exist yesterday? I think I did. All I am is what I am. And, yes, as Illyria I thought better of myself before.
Why did I make the choices I did?
There is no way we theoretically can decide what is the right thing to do in any given situation. Or – well – we can, but it will not work out. Our life is messy. The choices are unclear.
And – surprise – it turned out that Angel did the right thing (giving Connor a real life, though a fake one) by doing the wrong thing (violating his friends’ will and memories).
I liked Connor before – as an interesting character, who has a crucial place in the angelverse, I adored him in Origin. All the new sides of him that got visible after 18 years’ worth of happy memories, all the glimpses of old Connor, etc. I have no problems with him choosing his parents, and his life. The parallels with Dawn make it even better. Just because memories aren’t real, doesn’t matter that the life and love isn’t real also. Rewatching the episode, I checked, and breaking the box returned memories of those who was nearby. And Connor was – and he remembered. The difference in his movements, his fighting before and after the box-breaking is considerable. And he is the guy who would underplay it later on talking to Angel.
I was reasonably fine with the torture, pain, and suffering inflicted on Gunn (reasonably, I said), but when the executioner after the torture gave him an oven light bulb, I freaked out. The casualness of it was way more creepy than all special devices in the room.
Wes and Illyria keep holding me very fascinated with their dynamic. Wes believes she needs a guide. Does she? Yes, but less than he thinks. He really wants to be a Watcher – successful that time. Did she sound more like Fred after the memory break, or it was just me? Her connection with Wesley is getting stronger. She is interested what he thinks of Fred, yet she doesn’t get his problems with the reality. For her it is easier. It is what it is, though she doesn’t like what it is. “Define change”
What seems to me is that Wes’ life and personality led him to the point where he is now – one way or another. Would he be different without the mindwipe? Probably. I don’t think though that the place he is now in is the end of it. May be it is better for him to understand now that it is not some evil forces screwed him, but he did. (Evil forces just helped ;)
There was several curious moments that held my thought in the episode.
1) Illyria said: “I enjoy hurting Spike.”
Why? First, to distance her from Fred – but this is a meta reason.
Why does Illyria enjoy hurting Spike? I think that’s because he isn’t really hurt. Because springs back, and tries to reason, establish rules, calls her names, “makes noise”. They fight without real purpose – to win, to kill - and she is amused, curious, and not as detached. Why wouldn’t she say “I enjoy fighting Spike”? She is much stronger, and doesn’t take him seriously as a foe, so it really not a fight for her.
2) Spike said: “Keep in mind. He can’t get laid without maybe going crazy. Makes it funny.”
Huh?
Ok, here is fandom looks at me funny – it is about Spangel, isn’t it?
But, I say, in a very small voice, it would be too easy and straightforward. Which don’t do.
I don’t know the answer, but let me point these things:
1) Spike said it to Wesley, after Wes told about his disagreement with Angel.
2) Angel has sex, gets happy, loses his soul. Spike calls it (soulless state) “going crazy” – interesting view from Spike (who knows the difference), isn’t it?
I have too many questions and a headache. Quite possibly, nothing written above makes sense. I will add the most puzzling question and go to sleep:
Why did Illyria put a Petri dish in her mouth?
The story deals with the usual stuff – who we are, what makes us who we are, what is real, what matters, do we have a choice, how can we trust. It never gives us answers though. More correctly – it gives us many different answers, no One Right Answer. No skeleton key. (Actually, there was a skeleton key – Knox used it to open the portal for Illyria, it didn’t work out)
A lot of things can be said and done, but I chose these. There is always a choice. Even when there aren’t any. Thomas Aquinas had something to tell about it, but I don’t remember where. We are informed by our memories; we are our memories, or memories of us. Did I exist yesterday? I think I did. All I am is what I am. And, yes, as Illyria I thought better of myself before.
Why did I make the choices I did?
There is no way we theoretically can decide what is the right thing to do in any given situation. Or – well – we can, but it will not work out. Our life is messy. The choices are unclear.
And – surprise – it turned out that Angel did the right thing (giving Connor a real life, though a fake one) by doing the wrong thing (violating his friends’ will and memories).
I liked Connor before – as an interesting character, who has a crucial place in the angelverse, I adored him in Origin. All the new sides of him that got visible after 18 years’ worth of happy memories, all the glimpses of old Connor, etc. I have no problems with him choosing his parents, and his life. The parallels with Dawn make it even better. Just because memories aren’t real, doesn’t matter that the life and love isn’t real also. Rewatching the episode, I checked, and breaking the box returned memories of those who was nearby. And Connor was – and he remembered. The difference in his movements, his fighting before and after the box-breaking is considerable. And he is the guy who would underplay it later on talking to Angel.
I was reasonably fine with the torture, pain, and suffering inflicted on Gunn (reasonably, I said), but when the executioner after the torture gave him an oven light bulb, I freaked out. The casualness of it was way more creepy than all special devices in the room.
Wes and Illyria keep holding me very fascinated with their dynamic. Wes believes she needs a guide. Does she? Yes, but less than he thinks. He really wants to be a Watcher – successful that time. Did she sound more like Fred after the memory break, or it was just me? Her connection with Wesley is getting stronger. She is interested what he thinks of Fred, yet she doesn’t get his problems with the reality. For her it is easier. It is what it is, though she doesn’t like what it is. “Define change”
What seems to me is that Wes’ life and personality led him to the point where he is now – one way or another. Would he be different without the mindwipe? Probably. I don’t think though that the place he is now in is the end of it. May be it is better for him to understand now that it is not some evil forces screwed him, but he did. (Evil forces just helped ;)
There was several curious moments that held my thought in the episode.
1) Illyria said: “I enjoy hurting Spike.”
Why? First, to distance her from Fred – but this is a meta reason.
Why does Illyria enjoy hurting Spike? I think that’s because he isn’t really hurt. Because springs back, and tries to reason, establish rules, calls her names, “makes noise”. They fight without real purpose – to win, to kill - and she is amused, curious, and not as detached. Why wouldn’t she say “I enjoy fighting Spike”? She is much stronger, and doesn’t take him seriously as a foe, so it really not a fight for her.
2) Spike said: “Keep in mind. He can’t get laid without maybe going crazy. Makes it funny.”
Huh?
Ok, here is fandom looks at me funny – it is about Spangel, isn’t it?
But, I say, in a very small voice, it would be too easy and straightforward. Which don’t do.
I don’t know the answer, but let me point these things:
1) Spike said it to Wesley, after Wes told about his disagreement with Angel.
2) Angel has sex, gets happy, loses his soul. Spike calls it (soulless state) “going crazy” – interesting view from Spike (who knows the difference), isn’t it?
I have too many questions and a headache. Quite possibly, nothing written above makes sense. I will add the most puzzling question and go to sleep:
Why did Illyria put a Petri dish in her mouth?
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-24 03:43 pm (UTC)Really sorry ::hugs::
no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 06:03 pm (UTC)::hugs::
no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 06:35 pm (UTC)Could you re-send it, please?
::hugs back::
no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 06:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 07:14 pm (UTC)Whew; never done filters before, so I hope it works.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-26 07:25 pm (UTC)