Why vampires make the best pets

[avrelia]

I wasn't really planning to writing any essay, but as it often happens I was inspired by molly_may and here it is. It is rather smallish but with pictures!



It’s quite easy, actually.
What does one want from a pet?
1) Pet should be cute and amusing
2) It’s good when it is useful and dangerous at the same time
3) Pet should be easy to care for
4) Pet should not be dying too soon and for no good reason

Well, a vampire beat a regular pet in all these points without breaking a sweat.
Let’s see what the canon shows us:

Here is Angel vs. goldfish

Angel has all four points down: cute, amusing, dangerous, saves puppies, and he combines ease of care with hard-to-kill thing… You only have to make sure he is not happy and you have a perfect pet for yourself and your descendants!


Goldfish, on the other hand… Lack survivability.


Here is Drusilla vs. puppy Sunshine

Drusilla is probably a little on the high maintenance side, but she is amusing and gorgeous and do notice the lack of dying! Sure, she might be too amusing, but you’ll never be bored with Dru in the house!


Sunshine is cute. That’s about it.


Spike vs. cats

It’s hard to beat Spike in the ease of care. All he needs is love!

Well, almost.
Plus, he can babysit your key.

So, a regular kitten is not a match for Spike.., not matter how cute it is. One accidental arrow, and it is a kitten no more.



Of course, a bigger cat is a more serious competition.


See? Spike is having a harder time competing here. Not to be afraid though! Due to ultra-speedy vampire healing you won’t need to pay for expensive vet care!


And in the end Spike wins over the big cat! Now that’s the pet one can only wish for…


To summarize: If you want a pet that’s cute, dangerous, that won’t shed all over the place, won’t ruin your furniture or your shoes, don’t need any expensive food or medical care, a pet that won’t wake you up to go for a walk, a pet you can leave at home when going for vacation – and it may even protect your house from robbery, a pet that can stay in your family for generations to come – a vampire is for you!

And if you don’t feel comfortable about the bloodsucking and want your vampire fixed – well, there is a government agency who does it for free, or you may turn to practitioners of traditional means to do the same.

I am the God-King, and I approve this message! Can I have Spike a as my pet?

Comments

[molly_may]

Goldfish, on the other hand… Lack survivability.

Especially if you have a pet Angelus around!

You've made some strong arguments in favor of vampire pets, particularly the fact that there would be no veterinary costs and no clawing of the furniture. I'm still not sure though that Dru would make a good pet. She seems very high maintenance.

[avrelia.livejournal.com]

Well, Dru is definitely not for everyone. Some people do like this kind of challenge. Or they are plain crazy. I mean, Michael Jackson kept some wild animals as pets... just the idea of Dru and Michael Jackson together... hmm

[gobi-rex.livejournal.com]

OMG, no shedding, too! Excellent.

But do they play well with other pets? I would worry about leaving Spike alone with kittens.

[avrelia.livejournal.com]

Well, I think it would be quite safe to leave Spike with a grown cat. I think we can also assume that Spike and Angel like puppies. Especially Angel. But overall I suggest to exercise caution when introducing a new vampire pet to your household.

[elisi]

Heeeee! :D

[avrelia.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. :)

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

I DID NOT SEE THIS ON MY FLIST!

F***ing livejournal.

This is hilarious! *laugh*

[avrelia.livejournal.com]

Thanks, dear! (and x* with LJ)

Now I can think, that it's not me who's that dreadfully boring, but It's LJ who screws up. ;)

btw, I've just posted about actual life now. :-p

[shadowscast]

LOL! I just followed the link here from your LJ Archeology post, and I have to say, that was worth digging up!

[avrelia]

Thanks!

One of the thing i totally forgot existed. :)