Should Buffy Apologize some more? (some ranting included)

[avrelia]

I wanted to share my recent annoyance with you, guys. ;)

It is not exactly recent, but it came back to life after the last discussion in fer1213' LJ. First of all, I agreed with Fer’s post absolutely, but not with several comments to it. Some commenters expressed an opinion, popular at one part of the fandom – that is, that Buffy didn’t own all bad things she did to Spike, never apologized publicly, never was properly chastised for everything she did. So, she shouldn’t be forgiven and upheld as a proper heroine, and obviously she's not deserving of the Spike’s love.

And this attitude bugs me a lot.

I generalize here – not all these sentiments and not in this exact wording were expressed in the comments to Fer’s post, but all of them exist and I encountered them here and there.

I actually get where some of it comes from the series – Buffy doesn’t say in plain English everything we wanted her to say, but…

1.How did she not own her actions?

She admits that she behaved like a monster - and not to the Holden, but to herself, which is a huge thing. (Holden is a good therapist here – making her do all the work herself)

She admits using Spike several times – to Spike. Very good of her.

2.She doesn’t tell her friends or write about her relationship with Spike in Sunnydale Herald.
Yes. But why would she?
Why would anyone? Where does this taste for the public repentance come from? Dostoevsky? (yes, that’s right, but his characters are not exactly examples of mental health.)

I think Buffy’s relationships with friends were very true to life (mine, anyway), and no matter how much she loves them some things are not for them. She told it to whom it mattered.

3.Buffy can be terse and quippy, but eloquent in expressing her feelings she is not. Especially in the later seasons. She acts instead. And her (tiring eve for me) refrain “He has a soul now!” was the inability to express just how much it means to her. I can talk more on it, but other people said it better already. But I can't imagine a long remorseful monologue from Buffy about how she was mean and cold, and I don't want to. Her actions in s7 says a lot to me.

4.Forgiveness is not given when it is deserved, but when it is needed. (s2 Angelus episode, same time same place, the whole series, basically.)

I am ranting, hence the friendslocking this entry.

I feel better already. But sometimes I just wonder what makes people to have this need to see Buffy being chastised?

Comments

[avrelia.livejournal.com]

Maybe you are right, I can’t say for people I don’t know, but maybe it is internalized misogyny. I don't remember anyone asking Wesley to apologize publicly for keeping Justine in the closet, etc.

Buffy is not exactly infallible, nor she resolved all her issues satisfactorily, but public apology? That’s just weird.

[minim_calibre]

Maybe you are right, I can’t say for people I don’t know, but maybe it is internalized misogyny. I don't remember anyone asking Wesley to apologize publicly for keeping Justine in the closet, etc.

Perhaps it's socialized gender assumptions? I do see a lot of hypocritical commentary, where the understood, unstated apology is fine, even admirable, for Wesley (or Spike, or Angel), but not for a female character in a similar situation.