Avrelia F is sad and bitter
Feb. 12th, 2004 09:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
avreliaThere was an explosion in Moscow subway last week. A terrorist attack, apparently. It was in the morning, so the train was packed.
It is not easy to write about it, or to think, really. After initial shock on Friday, after checking with everyone I could reach whether they are alive, I am left with feelings of sadness, bitterness, and tiny, tiny smidge of despair (I don’t like to admit that I feel despair: it is utterly wrong feeling for me). Now, it’s all better. Kind of forgotten. Not really forgotten, but don’t bother me as much. I thought may be my reaction is dull due to the fact that I live far away now. No, I checked with my friends, and they have it the same. How many times one can be shocked, anyway? Everybody is just checking on people they know and reminding themselves that more people die in car accidents and from cancer. And subway in Moscow is the most convenient public transportation. So people will use it, because they have to live and not wait for the next catastrophe. And what is to do? I don’t know. And if I knew what to do about terrorism, what would I do then? No, really. I have no idea how to stop terrorism. It just works too well. One act can be prevented. Ten, twenty, fifty. But the fifty-first will happen where and when you least expect. It always leaves me powerless, fatalistic, and sad. I remember, in 1999 there was two explosions in apartment buildings in Moscow. Terrorism, apparently. I heard the first one – not very close, but close enough. I didn’t know what happened at the moment – it was midnight, and I was in a bed, trying to sleep, wondering what could it be. And the next day I felt very weird feeling that it could have been our building as well, and the moment I was wondering about the sound was the moment many people died. But one cannot dwell on it, people have to go on living, haven’t they? Yet I feel ridiculous and inadequate, beginning my letters to Moscow with “Is everybody alive?”
It is not easy to write about it, or to think, really. After initial shock on Friday, after checking with everyone I could reach whether they are alive, I am left with feelings of sadness, bitterness, and tiny, tiny smidge of despair (I don’t like to admit that I feel despair: it is utterly wrong feeling for me). Now, it’s all better. Kind of forgotten. Not really forgotten, but don’t bother me as much. I thought may be my reaction is dull due to the fact that I live far away now. No, I checked with my friends, and they have it the same. How many times one can be shocked, anyway? Everybody is just checking on people they know and reminding themselves that more people die in car accidents and from cancer. And subway in Moscow is the most convenient public transportation. So people will use it, because they have to live and not wait for the next catastrophe. And what is to do? I don’t know. And if I knew what to do about terrorism, what would I do then? No, really. I have no idea how to stop terrorism. It just works too well. One act can be prevented. Ten, twenty, fifty. But the fifty-first will happen where and when you least expect. It always leaves me powerless, fatalistic, and sad. I remember, in 1999 there was two explosions in apartment buildings in Moscow. Terrorism, apparently. I heard the first one – not very close, but close enough. I didn’t know what happened at the moment – it was midnight, and I was in a bed, trying to sleep, wondering what could it be. And the next day I felt very weird feeling that it could have been our building as well, and the moment I was wondering about the sound was the moment many people died. But one cannot dwell on it, people have to go on living, haven’t they? Yet I feel ridiculous and inadequate, beginning my letters to Moscow with “Is everybody alive?”
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Re:
Date: 2004-02-13 10:38 am (UTC)::hugs back::