avrelia | Obsession: my own history.

I watched the finale yesterday, and I am still gaping for air, so I decided, instead on thoughts on topic, to post the history of my coming into the Buffyverse.

I moved to Canada in August 2000. I don't remember if I knew something about Buffy the Vampire Slayer before – probably I had heard about it – but in Canada the words “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” followed me around. They seemed a very ridiculous phrase, belonged to a ridiculous teenagers' show. Still, I unwillingly was gathering information – like that Buffy and Angel had a great chemistry, but they are not together (I didn't like the picture of Angel – he had stupid hair). Eventually I got curious, and decided to give it a try. “Body” is a great episode, it really is, but as a first episode to see: doesn't work. Well, it didn't lure me in. The siege continued nevertheless. I learned of existence of bleached vampire with the fake accent, and the lesbian witch. Also, about the fact that no relationships ever work out in Sunnydale. Then I learned of Angel going evil, and the purpose of Jenny Calendar's death, plus, there was some buzz about scandalous ending of season 6, so I thought there was something about Buffy worth giving it another try. At that time, by the way we succumbed to the lure of comforts of civilization and got ourselves cable and the broadband Internet. I checked the program, and the were reruns of Buffy on the “Space” channel at 5 pm – a very convenient time for me.
So the next day I turned on TV at 5.15. It was Intervention, and I knew I came home. For some reason I thought that Buffybot was a permanent feature of the series, and was disappointed when it turned out she wasn't, I also couldn't figure out who Anya was, why she was talking so weird, and why she had my name. I also knew that something very dear and important was going on between Buffy and Spike, I wasn't surprised by that kiss at the least – and you know what this means in fandom terms.

The season 5 rerun came to an end, and with the WttH I came to the beginning. I was in love all over again. The most surprising moment – I finally found SMG pretty. (the difference between s5 and s1 Buffy was striking.) Angel also wasn't that bad. Xander was extremely cute, and Willow wasn't gay at all. But I wanted to know what happened in between, and after Buffy died, so – I went to Internet. It wasn't much – I mostly read episode descriptions, I also found a nice Russian discussion board where I lurked until I got tired of Xander-hate that was one of its permanent features. (It really was a nice board otherwise - intelligent people, interesting opinions, but every other review of s6-7 episodes began with “Xander was, as usual, disgusting” - and I couldn't stand it)

Yes, but that time season 7 began, and I encountered new problem: To be or not to be (spoiled, of course) my first answer was to be -and I read spoilers until ep.14, after which I decided I didn't want to know what would happen next until I see it. I decided to try for the pure watching experience that I didn't have before. I stayed mostly unspoiled since.

During the winter hiatus I got restless – and decided to try reading fanfiction. I liked it. (Before I honestly considered fanfiction a weird idea. Silly me.)

Somewhere in spring I found Livejournals – and began reading and lurking there. I wanted painfully to have one, but had no idea how to get an invite code (and terrified to ask for it), plus, I didn't think I could write in it – in English. In May I went to Russia, setting the VCR to record four last episodes. Then I came back, watched them all together, and loved the finale dearly. Then I return to Internet, and learned that Spike would be back (I mean I didn't believe he was dead completely, but...)

Angel the series I began to watch together with BtVS the summer before s7 (s4 Ats), and I liked it, but it didn't grab me that much – they also showed episodes once a week, and without an order, so I got confused. I also watched s4, though not as obsessively as BtVS. But this year Ats was the only thing that left, and I got into with all my heart. I liked Gunn, I loved Spike, I loved Fred, I cared deeply about Angel, but by the end, AtS turned for me into Wes and Illyria show.

So we came to an end. I savoured all my fannish experiences, I love the people in fandom around me, I still have so much to do, to think, to write. My shows are not dead, they are on a different plan of existence (and I still have a lot of AtS episodes I haven't seen) I am here to stay. I have a lot to say on topic – why I love the show, and whatnot, but it has gone too long, so I stop for now.

But I cannot stop without voicing my emotions on finale. Here is it

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! They killed my Wes! ::cries::

I didn't know I was attached to him that much – I knew he was broken, and half-crazy, and the prime candidate for the death in finale, but I hoped so badly for him...

I loved so much his scenes and Illyria's...
Lindsay's fate left a really bad taste in me, though... Like that WWII stories, where the prisoners were asked to go and fight the good fight, and they went, but they had the Guy from the “Special Department” behind their back, “to help”....

::is very sad::

And the ending... Wow. Very fitting. Very open.
I thought of an appropriate quote from the poem in Russian:

And the eternal fight! We only dream of rest
Through dust and blood...

That's our guys, right?

And how happy was I to see Connor? Deliriously.

But it all raises one important question:

Where the fuck is my sixth season?!!!

and, finally:

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! They killed my Wes!

Yeah...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I agree with you about Lindsey's death. I felt bad too, no wonder Lorne wants to quit after that, using him and then killing him like that. I can understand it on a certain level, that Lindsey really isn't that reliable, and histroy proved that he could turn on them at any time, but still...sigh.

Though I have to admit, this moral ambuiguity is one of the reasons why I love the Jossverse so much.

and I still have a lot of AtS episodes I haven't seen

Ooh! You need to watch them, now! Go, go! *g*

Before I honestly considered fanfiction a weird idea. Silly me.
Oh me too. But we know better now. *g*

And poor, poor Wesley. ::cries::

Though I have to admit, this moral ambuiguity is one of the reasons why I love the Jossverse so much.

And I honestly roll my eyes on people who consider it black-and-white. Angel might have wanted it that way, yes, but reality wasn't anywhere like that. I cannot reconsile myself with Lindsay's death. I can understand Angel's intentions, and all, but still... And I didn't even like Lindsay that much, you know?

I cannot reconsile myself with Lindsay's death. I can understand Angel's intentions, and all, but still... And I didn't even like Lindsay that much, you know?

As you know I *adore* Lindsey, yet I found myself OK with his death. Doesn't mean I like it (heck, I'm trying to fanwank it in my head that he recovered after Lorne left the room ;), it's just that I'm not cursing Joss over it.

It wasn't until I watched for a second time that I picked up on Lorne's words - "I've heard you sing". I vaguely recall Lorne informing both Lindsey and Angel soon after Lindsey sung for him that their fates were tied together. At the time it had to do with the situation at hand, but I could see Joss mining that to explain why Angel made the decision he did.

You see, I can understand Angel here, and Lorne, and, probably, I will figure out how it all fits in the story (I haven't seen much of the Lindsay's arc – being a latecomer to the show). And I am surely not cursing anyone, but his death still feels unnecessary, worthless, and leaves a very bitter taste with me.

"So we came to an end. I savoured all my fannish experiences, I love the people in fandom around me, I still have so much to do, to think, to write. My shows are not dead, they are on a different plan of existence (and I still have a lot of AtS episodes I haven't seen) I am here to stay."

That's a wonderful way to put it -- anything that's LOVED this much, and has become so REAL to us in so many meaningful ways cannot truly DIE. It has its own kind of immortality.

And though I've seen both BtVS and AtS from the beginning, and been a fan of both shows ('Buffy' more so, until this last season of 'Angel', with the addition of Spike and no other Buffyverse series to distract or detract from my appreciation) from their first seasons, I'm with you: "I'm here to stay."

They can empty the chatrooms and turn out the lights on all our LJ's and hide the re-runs where we might never find them, but I'm in this fandom to stay. If I go out, it'll be 'feet-first,' on a stretcher.

I have just watched Restless - it was on TV when I turned it on, so I stayed and watched. And, you kow, I felt like seeing the old friends, like picking up the conversation that began some time ago and hasn't been finished, and isn't going to be finished.

And the eternal fight! We only dream of rest
Through dust and blood...

*cries* Yep, those are our boys.

And your sixth season is right here:

ats_nolimits. Now if only they could hire the actors and film it...

Yes, they are... Interesting how this connection sprang to mind - the poem was written in the beginning of the XX century, by a wonderful poet, Alexandr Blok (it may not look as good, since the translation was mine,) but it fits so well...

And thanks for the link, I will check it!

It was Intervention, and I knew I came home. For some reason I thought that Buffybot was a permanent feature of the series, and was disappointed when it turned out she wasn't, I also couldn't figure out who Anya was, why she was talking so weird, and why she had my name. I also knew that something very dear and important was going on between Buffy and Spike,

Ah, I always love hearing how someone first fell in love with BTVS, and this is a lovely story. Intervention is such a wonderful episode, but I can imagine it being somewhat confusing to a new viewer!

My shows are not dead, they are on a different plan of existence

I like this. That's a very comforting way to think about it. :)

And the eternal fight! We only dream of rest
Through dust and blood...

::Sniffle:: That's beautiful, and very fitting.

I can imagine it being somewhat confusing to a new viewer!

It wasn't too much confusing - since I figured out the main premise characters at the time, but my puzzlement over Anya seems so funny now.

Oh, people's "how I found Buffy" stories are so much fun! And it's funny, but almost every non-Buffy fan I know who has at some point thought they'd give it a try ended up watching the Body. Really! It almost makes me laugh the number of my friends who've said to me, "I did watch it once. It was the one where Buffy's mom died." It must have been touted that week as a must-see programme by TV guides, or something. And they all have the same reaction - that they were really impressed by it as a one-off piece, but didn't feel like they'd be interested in watching again.

The thing is, where do you start? I've always wondered this. Where can you find the one Buffy episode, that without knowing anything about its history, would make someone fall in love with the show?

Now, Intervention. There is an absolute treat of an episode if ever there was one. And it's nice to know that without knowing the whole backstory, it was still an exciting and fall-in-love-able TV watching experience. :) And wouldn't it have been fun if the Buffybot was a regular character? I was so happy when she did turn up again (and heartbroken when she was destroyed in Season 6).

I also knew that something very dear and important was going on between Buffy and Spike

Oh! I think you've just summed up exactly and perfectly why I love those two. :)

And oh, the finale. Yes! A beautiful, very fitting quote, and this? And how happy was I to see Connor? Deliriously. Me too, me too!

It must have been touted that week as a must-see programme by TV guides, or something.

Hmm, for me it was a pure accident. At its first broadcasting it wasn't pitched as “the greast TV hour” hour yet. But it still presents an interesting problem – it is one of the best episodes, but it is absolutely unrepresentative of the series as the whole – not in terms of quality, of course. So what is best episode to begin watching with? I don't know. Intervention worked for me.

Obsession: my own history.

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