I absolutely buy the internalized misogyny theory. What started my initial rant was a certain story that I saw your latest comment on (and I completely agree with your assessment, btw). Buffy being besting, being subjugated, allowing herself to be submissive--that is definitely not the Buffy I ever saw onscreen. I've always believe that Spike and Buffy are equals in every way. They can both be extremely childish. They can both be hurtful, physically and through their words. And for both of them, their actions MEAN something, more than their words ever could. And they understand each other better than anyone else does.

Buffy doesn't need to apologize or clarify her actions to her friends or anyone else besides Spike--and he already knows. Did Angel prostrate himself for basically mind-raping his friends? Did Wes make a speech about how wrong he was for taking Connor? Why would they get free passes and Buffy shouldn't?

Sorry for going off here, but you've hit on something that's bothered me endlessly, but I was never confident enough to put a label on it.